It was a dark afternoon, can’t recall reason for not attending class and everyone is playing basketball. I got a pass dribbled, avoid, bounced and slice shot, the ball went round the rim a fell. I dashed out shooting at 45 degree from the white line and board sliced (technique I’m good at) scoring every try no matter the distance. First drop of rain hit my reached out hand, we continue playing regardless of the heavy rain. It’s hard to score as the ball and board is slippery with the heavy rain covering our visions. We’re the only group left playing whole heartedly at the court. I couldn’t border that I’m an idol or how others look at me at that time. I’m no different from other naive high school students studying and playing hard. I keep telling myself not to loose the game! We cleaned up at the basins wiping ourselves with our singlet and dressed up shabbily and walk towards the dark bricked Hainan lane opposite the jungle like zoo. Scent of after rain was carried by the light breeze.

      Everyone needs to submit a recent photo (with shop’s stamp) to register for up coming examination. I got mine done recently nearby with a very short hair cut like the rest. Some shaved bald to avoid the hot weather and hair management. No one cares about images other than revisions. From level 4 classroom, I need to pass by the rugby field to get to the basketball court. Rugby players are spotted training with tires tied to their back at this time. Everyone is trying very hard including myself- walking towards the court!

      If decided to stay back for revisions after school, I’ll eat in to avoid time wastage eating out of school. I’ll order beef noodle (10bucks) with fried tofu skin (5 bucks my favorite) and braised egg (5 bucks). No additional beef as it’s costly (30 bucks). Most would eat in or while walking back to class to salvage more time. There’s rumors about spotting roaches and small insects are spotted in the noodle which I didn’t encountered but we’ll do anything for extra revision time.
If the guys with the same hobby are in class we’ll gather for a game regardless of running out of time. In the eyes of others we’re hopeless, time is as precious as blood and we’re wasting it brushing up some basketball techniques. We’ll be chased away from the lighted court by night class students taking physical classes. A few students will stay back in class for revisions and dim lights from classes will be spotted. Finding a dark corner down the field to rest and stare into the dark, the stillness might cause some disturbance to the empty mind. Feels like loosing the ball due to poor technique, game over. Time, books and examinations can’t be lost, not even staring into the dark night. Got to face it, examinations, family, friends, fans and the world. “Obedient tiger” will never let anyone down.

      If I were to reflect with present mind set, maybe there’ll be chain questions as why to take examinations, study and get pressurized which will affect my results. I was lucky to heed other’s advise to focus and not think much, to live for myself and not others. Its hard to define what’s best, matters become history as time pass and there’s no IF in history. I suddenly recalled that
I ever wrote [Be Yourself, Happiness Is Most Important] in my autograph book then as encouragement and to feel optimistic. I top almost last as results are bad during 1st & 2nd year. As I’m good at Mathematics and English I thought there’s not much difference, simple revisions might get me through. The Mathematics teacher didn’t teach by the text book, and started off with logics (between P & Q). I was careless not to follow through and wasn’t able to catch up which was a set back to me, I was worried then. I’ll ask others for notes, main points and solving methods during tests. But I received cold shoulder regardless of my special status. Good results is more recognized in Jianzhong. I got no close friend in class and I didn’t try to build up friendships. I couldn’t attend classes due to my schedules, a lot thinks that I deserved it for bad results. It’s a scary loneliness with no sympathize, all eyes awaits your retribution.

     I was praised by the teacher (Zhang Fengying) for good results (12th in class) at a monthly test. But a mate commented “I would be shameful to my parents if I can’t even beat
Su Youpeng”, which drew a scar deep inside me. In other’s eyes Su Youpeng means [A useless bump who hates studying], title-Obedient Tiger locked a heavy weight on my waist which can’t be loosen and good results is the only key to it. I kept visualizing walking on the street and was pointed by a mother telling her child not to be like “Obedient Tiger whose only a good looking star without knowledge and future”! It kept haunting till I decided to study hard to shake off this nightmare. I can forgo fame and promotions for studies, I thought of giving up activities like taking photos, recordings, attend shows for new album [Singsing De Gu Shi] by the Little Tiger band then for studies like any normal students then.

      There’s a student (technical student in Tai Da now) whom I thought of looking down on me,
it inspired me to impersonate his walking(a little hunch back), writings and taking him as an example. I tried talking and befriend him during after school or playing ball and took him as an imaginative enemy so as to outdo him. I started revising from 2nd day of Chinese new year(winter holiday) to prepare for examinations when school reopens. As everyone would rush to check and compare results at the school office. I’m there this time, my result-class top 10 surprised lots of students who can’t make fun of me. I’ve proved to all and it changed views on me totally in class and I’m proud of it. Although once is not everything, but it gave me confident. Examinations are not that tough and friends are not that smart as what I thought. Stress doubles up trying to avoid, I tried very hard even knowing that I can’t catch up with it but I didn’t care much. Lin Hengyu (shops with me a lot along Zhonghua lane) kept telling me that “ During 1st & 2nd year you’re singing and we’re not serious, you didn’t lose us”. Upon hearing this again during 3rd year I felt that he’s trying to calm me down, until final term then I realized that nobody is especially terrifying we’re all at the same starting point. Some students were rooted to the classroom, they revised before meals and even during change of period developing sense of slacken and phobia to others. Some would compare privately on who spent more time on revision while some would lie that they can’t concentrate or didn’t revise or act blur trying to mislead others by saying its no point revising extra for a game of basketball.

      Upon knowing such commotion the teacher kept telling us to take other classes as opponents and achieve real victory with full class passing rate. To be exact, my simple aim is to prove that
I can get to a good school too. Benefit of studying, my ambitions, most interested subject etc…such questions didn’t cross my mind then. There’s relocation of classes during 2nd year promotion. Like others I thought that the guys selecting medical and technical stream are smarter. I was chased by the in charge for the selection form(1 week’s grace) which is still in my drawer on the 7th day. Not knowing which subject to select, I scouted for advise from a few close friends in class, and finally selected medical like others, which is the 3rd group with an additional subject thinking I’ll be able to cope as my results are good then. Thinking back now, actually I was rush and careless to fill up the form.

      There’s 20 over days of emptiness before release of examination results, I was rather tensed and thought about my future although I did well during the examination. Upon receiving the results I got them analyzed on which school I’m eligible to op, I found out that Taida, Qingda and Jiaoda accept the same aggregate as mine. I’m not trying to plan or choose for my future,
I did just to fill up the ambition form beautifully. To be able to study in Taida even at the lower stream, people would think that I got good grades which I mind a lot. Actually electronic stream of Qingda and Jiaoda are not bad as well. My has no ambition except for examination then.

      I joined the Little Tiger during holiday after secondary school and was working in
[Qing Chun Da Duay Kang producer- Xiaoyan and hosts- Cao Lan and Tang Zhiwei] with another girls group Little Kitten as assistants. We used to joke that we’re “Tai ju”---carry columns at the back stage. During winter holiday of 1st year of high school we released album [Happy New Year] with “You Huan Pai Dui” (fellow sisters) which consist of our first single [Qing Ping Guo Le Yuan]- a hit then. We released our 1st album [Xiao Yao Yu] with an overall 20 concerts almost 6 weeks through out ( almost 3 shows per week, Saturday noon 1 show and 2 on Sunday) followed by flying back to attend school. And did our port folio before going to 2nd year.

      Little Tiger enjoyed hence the heavy work load and I still can’t recollect myself although school’s reopening soon. I dislikes cheats and last minute revisions (use to help teacher to spot cheats) as I’m good and confident in all exams. Finally I got a taste panic of not revising in time for exams in high school as I was absent for filming, singing, performance, dance practice day after day not taking note of monthly test arriving again. I prepared for it in a rush warning myself no more next time, but things went back to usual within a week after the test and kept repeating for a year in repent and regrets.

      Saying that being top student in secondary is a norm. But passing moderately is already hard in high school(with lots of geniuses from around) not to mention top few. Upon hearing this although I was unsatisfied as I outdo myself each year but I did prepared reason for not gaining good grades. During 2nd year as we released our 2nd album [Nan Hai Bu Ku], it was being announced that the company will try let us work during school holidays so as not to affect our studies. And I told myself to stop having fun and start concentrate studying, and will be looked down on. My studies was still affected while filming [You Xiaer] although terms and conditions were agreed upon which left me worried. There 2 additional subjects being taught-Physics(energy compares) and Chemistry(chemical reaction, formulas etc.) which are rather difficult. Missing a lesson or two lands you confused not mentioning not attending class often due to filming. It was announced that Little Tiger will stop working for during third year, but [Sing Sing De Yue Hui] was recorded during holiday, which I felt unhappy and unsatisfied with our company. Loosing time (24hrs/day) means losing competition! An invincible line is linked among competition, pressure, status, view of public, caring, faces and future. I need tuition in order to catch up with the others, once, brother Song and Wu Qilong came to pick me up from Nanyang street for dance practice at Mafu which I don’t feel like going. I was wearing thick glasses instead of lenses walking among the rest not caring whether I’m noticed or not. There’s nothing in my head other than books, I hate and dispel things refraining me from studying. I didn’t noticed them coming to fetch me and went on with the others in my own world. They must be very surprised why I care for nothing but studies. Maybe I’m selfish against company and 2 other members of Little Tiger, but it benefits my studies.

      Summer holiday of 3rd year, made new friend and revised at his place often as we could get along well. Came home about 10pm after tuition for quick shower, and carry on to his place(15min’s ride away) at 11pm for 1/2 -1 hr of revision( better than none). Once, mom sent me to cancel revision due to bad mood, on our way back mom bought braised food and wine. I curled up on the sofa starring blankly into the noisy television. Family members tried cheering me up but to no avail. I started crying, mom said nothing and held me closely with me mumbling it’s suffering, it’s suffering, feels like dieing, causing mom reflected on letting me join the band as to toughen me up. I kept wanting her to let me do so, but things are different during examination. Things are back to normal although I fell asleep after crying, the experience was a deep impression. I felt that I’m lucky having mom and dad supporting me, till today no matter what I encounter family members are always my best shelters.

      I met quite a few kind souls when preparing for examinations, Xie Fenlan( counseling teacher from Jianzhong) is one of the key person who changed my life. She asked for me lots of time but I ignored as the counseling room is avoided by all, moreover I got no extra time for such activities. One day, she sent for me during noon break which was nap time to lots of students. I got up and put on my glasses unwillingly to visit her. Upon meeting me with thick glasses and small eyes, her reaction was “ So, you’re Su Youpeng, can’t really tell” and started our fate. She taught me meditation. After forcing me to visit her once, I do so more often. There’s a few old sofas and teacher’s table outside the counseling room a small room with thick carpet within, which she use to do counseling. I used to practice meditation there and in class too during breaks. It helped me rest a lot. There’s a few of us doing that then, which is important to me as my feelings are unstable. With her leading us through, sitting down cross legged, palms up, breathing in...out…in…out, slowly calming down realizing one’s present letting the mind, chest, throat, butt, hands and legs empty and finally merging with space throwing thoughts away. Some songs will appear in the mind while meditating which can’t be get rid of. That “particular place” is hard to find, hiding behind bamboo bushes, went round and disappearing. Lots of thoughts would catch you unaware like “ I can’t do so it’s time wasting”, “Got to revise for test this noon” and worst still “I feel sleepy”, “Got to get this new album……” Wild thoughts have to be recognized so as to feel the brain at such calm state, on one hand telling myself to be empty

and singing on the other. I can find out which direction the voices are coming from then I’ll tell myself “ You’re confident, work hard and nothing is impossible”. Practice to eliminate all thoughts, sometime we imagine that we’re a bird flying in the sky looking down at people and cars half the normal size, a lady hanging laundries, rises to 22nd storey spotting the turning water pump, feeling the clouds happily with no worries. Maybe its a turning point for all emotions come together, reaching calmness of the mind and body. I gain rest and energy within such stage. Actually I’ll feel sleepy within ½ hr in the revision room and I’ll doze off for ½-1 hr waking up feeling most empty(not affected by surroundings and body not tensed). I still feel pressurized although I meditate often when knowing its benefit. There’s once I felt that the whole world is flattening me, and I seek Ms Xie’s crying away in the counseling office, I trusted her a lot then and I can’t consult anyone. If asked whether guys who are awkward. My reply is that crying is actually a way of letting out not in front of others but someone trusted, no gender difference. One would feel calm, easy after letting it out. I was more calm and I could concentrate as my grades improved during last semester of 3rd year. And I thought of forgoing applauses and wealth for becoming a professor out of nowhere, teaching is simple and easy.

      Ms Zhang fengying had already heard of me during 2nd year, she told me that she didn’t know how to treat me(big star) and decided to treat me as she did to the rest. But I knew that she did put in more time to help me through my exams. I scored 99/100 in a test during 1st year which is the highest in class which made teacher having faith in me, encouraging and rescuing me as my grades were bad then. I was naïve so she used simple ways to inspire me wanting to work hard with confidence. Ms Zhang Fengying (my form teacher) teaches chemistry during my 2nd year. I missed lots of classes for filming, with her encouragement I was 21st in class. She was surprised when I did well(10 plus in class) for monthly test and was praised that I was talented in class. I started working hard during 3rd year. My results were very bad at 1st semester, I was going crazy, no one can kick anything into my head, I was empty and couldn’t concentrate. We need to do weekly reports then, I wanted to thank Ms Zhang for her patience with me and for lending a ear to me( can’t keep things to myself). I was temperamental as I study, sometimes I would note that “I want to die” this week and the next “Thank you teacher, I’m full of hope and confidence” etc. She’ll encourage me when I’m happy and console me when I’m down. There’s a sitcom [Who Killed The Big Star] then, and I wrote “Who killed the big star, I want to die, I want to let you know that public pressure, fans’ care are all pressure”. I was very afraid to receive encouragement letters from fans which strikes me like thunder, some were sent directly to school. There were lots of calls for me at the school too. Such scary letters and messages were trying to reach me by all means, which I can’t avoid.

      There’s a lot to revise especially mathematics and physics which I can’t cope with. There’s a teacher Mr. Hong Xiong in Jianzhong who helped me by doing fast revision with me once every week. Eventually my family gave him small token which he accepted unwillingly, and he got me a watch in return. He is a funny guy and was patient with me dozing off and answering slow when questioned. My results are not good as I’ve got little time to practice the formulas as they’re important. Physics philosophies nowadays are hard to understand, for example light. Eventually I gathered all confusing questions and called upon the physics teacher at his place after calling for permission which didn’t help much. But I believed that it will help by understanding the philosophies.

      I used to imagine how teachers and fellow students(especially other classes) looked at me which was bad for me. And received threats like, being beaten up in the rest room, scribble my name on the wall as dart board, and ways to make fun of me. My grades are a topic even till present 3rd year. That’s why I kept to myself other than my save little world. I’ll walk looking to the ground towards my class from the school gate not staring at anyone, to be frank its inferior! I’ll do the same while walking in front of others as if they’ll hurt me or look down on me. I didn’t made any close friends in high school, except 1 or 2 the most from secondary school. I avoid all the others good or bad, every time walking pass the basketball court( before I started playing basketball) my heart beat fastens, cheers from the court filled my ears, I felt afraid to meet scary eye sights or a ball blasting my face suddenly from nowhere. Sometimes I will think that there’s good will in such eye sights, people who wanted to help. But I’d rather carry my little world with protective shield which would prevent bombs and weapons from attacking.

      I could recall that my class sold Taiwan snacks for a fund raising fare during 2nd year, I was required to help by the teacher, distributing my autograph with each purchase, which was later badly rumored that [Obedient tiger was selling autographed photos for money]. Other than snacks we another group sold flowers, students from other school visited Jianzhong and some of them are my fans who bought the flowers for me which were later resold again for lots of money and I wasn’t credited. A committee was set up for graduation year book, and photos of everyone were needed for publishing. We skipped classes to take photo with our teacher(as discussed) at the botanic, by the lotus pond, bodhi tree, ball field, in class etc. And some against doing so would stay in class. Photos of class outings would be published as well, I can’t be spotted as I never took part before.

      Teacher used to work hard from starting of the year as what I did for Mandarin, English, Social, Physics , Chemistry and Medical(7 subjects) which is tough. As I could recall, I revised with good concentration during 3rd year winter holiday. There’s a assistance teacher in every class then who are good at subjects like physics. I used to consult them in private whenever I face difficulties. They have good or better revision techniques and would teach me as my grades are bad then. Sometimes I’m take my hat off as they have more efficient formulas than reference books. There’s a student (Ye Shixian(nick named Ah Gong) who was 1st for 3 years presently in Taida information stream) and a teacher Zhang Kuichao who taught me a lot like reverse philosophies of physics and chemistry which can’t be memorized(for trick questions) as answers are obtained through experience. I prefer understanding to memorizing, like reason for sugar to melt in cold or hot water first, I’ll need to understand before I could remember. Mr. Zhang stressed the need to understand reverse logic for answers which is not like secondary. The module test in 3rd year gave me much confident as I was top ten in class and I started believing that I can do well. My results slackened and was during 2nd module test as I did not revise according to the test table. I didn’t care as I’ve confident in myself, and my result recovered during 3rd module test. I observed that students in class are divided into 2 groups, those sitting are shorter, works hard and don’t like to play, those behind are taller, likes playing together and more slack in studies. I’m neither tall nor short and sits in the center. There was a hard working student who’s results are not good although he revises all the time, he sits in the 2nd row wearing spectacles.

      I felt that he’s forcing himself. And there’s another student(got himself into Qingda) whose hard working and got good grades too. But to me, its efficiency, concentration and memory that counts, nothing gets into the head once distracted resulting to excuses(grouches or self claiming not cut to study). All high schools in Taipei would take part in three major preliminary exams which accurately foretell our exam results in 3rd year final term which is packed with the school tests one after another. I carefully planned my revision table into 3 part-morning. Afternoon and night leaving 1 or 2 days for flexibility adjustments, and notes filled my notebook. For example 29th Jan was revision break between 2 monthly tests and my revision table was- 1330-1410, break, 1500-1600, dinner, 1650-1800 Mandarin, 1815-1910 English, 1920-2010 Cultural, 2030-2215 Mandarin,2315-2350 English, 2350-0110 and 0145-0300 Mandarin. Now flipping through my notebook again, spotting my ½ -1 hr break for I leave my seat for a drink down stairs, walk to and order meals outside, rinse up as I come back, rest and return to the table, is a strict calculation. [Way to go] and [Try to revise a little more] etc are encouragements I put down sometimes, seems like playing game with myself. I have another [Special revision] for exam on 26th Feb, which I started revising on 30th Jan noting [Time importance of 4 weeks] and plans in the notebook, picking out some subjects to revise according to every day’s progress with notes like [Time can’t be extended for revision and need to arrange properly, cut down on music]. I love listening to music from secondary, with the headphone on, the singers starts singing their best hit in my head, and would continue doing so even when the headphone if off no matter I’m walking, in the lift, on the bus, in the restroom. It made me lost concentration during revision which I can’t let it be as studies are harder then. I’ll tell myself(control, control, control!) not to listen to music while doing revisions and keep headphone once sighted. I kept playing game with myself till the 4th week(exam), I put on my amour and spear and got ready for the battle to prove myself.

      5pm after school, need to rush for tuitions at 6 pm for another class of the day till 9pm, everyone would find places to eat (noodle shop at nearby train station) and drinks back to class, or have buffet nearby. Every shops are crowded as it’s cheap and economic(student price). After that I would squeeze with the others all the way back to class to grab a seat, get some sleep, drink from the water cooler, chat or start revising. There’s morning and afternoon classes to attend occasionally during the winter holiday, rushing between both classes in the Taipei city on buses to and fro, time limited, starts taking down notes once in class. Everyone wants a good seat when revising with a famous teacher, late comers will have to take the leftover seats, the class will be filled with strange moistly odor when it rain or after basketball game. Times up for revision, like it or not- 3 full hours. Usually I’ll go home by bus from Chongqing east road to Zhonghua road or transit from Buoai road after school. And I’ll walk to Bouai road to take a bus if it’s after tuitions which was very crowded. There’re students from night classes and students like me going for tuitions coming out from the narrow exits into the already crowded(in any directions) Nanyang street, walking towards the bus station together. All would board the bus once it reaches and everyone would sway along with the motions of the bus, holding to handles, changing hands, switching standing positions and keeping to oneself. No one recognized me as I’ve stopped singing for a year, how Obedient tiger looks like isn’t a topic then. Among everybody, I felt alike and normal, I wonder what kept me going for a year plus. Like other anxious students I registered for tuitions for all subjects. The holiday was packed with tuition schedules, and compared every tuition school and teachers to try recover all of my pass 2 years studies not letting go any subjects. Everyone is clear of how much they revised, nobody can share the load. You and your brain are responsible for it which is extreme lonely stage. I’m having tuitions for Chemistry at Zhongxiao north road Tiancheng restaurant 7th floor. After class, I’ll use the staircase instead the small lift, walking among the rest I felt like them, chatting away, and would separate upon reaching ground floor. While walking, I’ll try to ask friends to take eat or walk together but to no avail as everybody wanted to go home as there’s classes the following day and the same goes for me. For I don’t want to walk alone or be separated from the rest even if it’s a short distance to the bus station.

      The Chemistry tuition teacher was famous for question spotting and way of teaching. With 2-3 hundred students each class, it was designed like a cinema with 2 passageway linked, sits divided into 3 portions-long tables by the sides 3 seats and 8 seats in the center and nobody wants to be seated there as it’s hard to get to the restroom between the 3 hr long tuition. A big black board is in front, written with date counting down to the examination, increasing pressure to everyone while it decreases. Similar things are often found in Chemistry, like mixing matter with same dissolvent may develop the same reaction with maybe 1 different solution and vise versa. I like linking all reaction relations making the whole text into a big tree branching together. Such method benefits more to me than memorizing. Mr. Ren Zhonglu was my Physics super tuition teacher whose strict and fast spoken, luckily I could catch up with him while taking down notes using different colours for important point.(ex. Gravity, distance, temperature, matters etc.) which I enjoyed doing so. As he’s fast speeched, missing small part would get you blur through out. I find it a waste of money as some would sleep when they can’t catch up and starts listening from the following phase. Although he’s fierce and sarcastic towards those who don’t revise accordingly as instructed, but he’s a great help for examinations. Everyone would seek tuition for 3rd year mathematics as the teacher in school was not experienced. Mr. Zhang Songtao- giving tuition at Luo Sifu street where lots of student would queue overnight to register for his class, I was among them. As cold wind blew in the night, some would gather for card game leaving 1 or 2 to guard the belongings changing shifts every 2hrs. What for such tiredness I wondered and would it do me good, anyway he’s famous and recognized. Once, I was too tired after school and ball game so I asked the student in front( taller than me) to sit up and block for me as I sleep. A piece of chalk flew and hit me, along came Mr. Zhang’s scolding, that I should feel ashamed for my status by doing so, lots of student wanted learn from him but can’t. I was wide awake after that and was angry with him, I paid for the class anyway!

      There were many tuition centers as well as game and snooker centers, and news of latest games spread fast among us. Some time we’ll visit the snooker center, usually I’ll watch and learn from others as I’m not good at it. At that time [Street Fighter 2] was new, 8 fighters each with special powers. Other than the usual controls, special powers are activated with mixture of different controls. Everyone would choose the only Chinese fighter and other fighters subsequently for a duel. There’s a big screen which charge double for a game for 2 players which was crowded with onlookers. I love playing and watching others play as to learn their techniques. [Roland Blocks] and [Lightning] (like early [Bumble Bees]) shooting planes and equipped with 3 bombs every round, all enemies would be eliminated when releasing the bomb. I could pass quite many stages with 10 bucks as I pretty good at it. Everytime I would be tempted to play a few rounds of game, as it was crowded in bigger centers, time was wasted waiting and playing( almost 1 hr). After realizing that indulging in game would only accumulate time wastage so we swear not to anymore, if not will flung the exam or being knocked down by a car. I don’t swear a lot cause I can’t control myself, I take it as a challenge just like comic books attracting me.

      To a 3rd year student time is precious, and would feel like lost to those who revised. Reason is anxiety of not progressing, resulting not able to revise. In the end, feels like the whole world is far ahead of you. The only way to deal with such encounter is to forget about exams totally, not forcing oneself to revise, chat with someone or might as well take a nap. Another way is to bury oneself in books, not disturbed by other’s progress, or communicate. At the end of the day you’ll find that you’ve done much revision and able to walk head up along Nanhai road, starring into the summer night feeling contented. If revision wasn’t done well and wasted lot of time, feels bad even during washing up and couldn’t get to sleep and would self reprimand. Before starting revising at the revision room, I was going through a Chemistry reference book which was hard to understand which took me 2hrs to finish 1 page, Luo Yongnan was leaving I stretched myself and chat with him and asked contentedly“ What to do, took 2hrs to finish 1 page of the chemistry book”? His reply was “ Really, what are you suppose to do. I can finish 30-40 pages”. My confident tumbled. “ Good grace! How am I going to catch up, others are progressing fast while I am progressing, what to do”? I’ve got to speed up on one hand and understand thoroughly on the other, minor pressure can cause major reactions. But finally the fact is I absorbed more than others, got better grades. My experience was, with confident, revise according own pace not too slow, not distracted by other means and not giving oneself pressure. Don’t be defeated by our own fear, others are not that better than you. Tell yourself with confident :You’re quite smart, quite genius, don’t be afraid, confident is very important or lie to yourself which I believed myself very much then. I did the same for lots of other things even till today, whenever I attend shows with other famous artists I’ll tell myself that I’m one of them too. To be frank I experienced a lot during 3rd year which gave me strength.

      Sometimes in class, we’ll sleep or do self studies when we think that the teacher is not teaching well or subject is not in the exam list. Some teacher will continue teaching as they knew that we can adjust ourselves to our time and subjects we’re weak on, but some strict teachers won’t. During 2nd year Chemistry class, I was yawning away after late night revisions, my eye lids drop heavily with the light warm wind shutting off the teacher’s voice. Suddenly, a sharp pain shook me from my sleep, and I saw a half red chalk. Followed by the teacher shouting out to me, “You! Go wash up and come back to stand through out the class”! making the whole class turned and watch me walk out and back to class. Standing through out the class, shames you and makes you awake and a odd one out like a lamp post among the class, needs to bend down to take down notes which is torturing. Lots of students have each mastered individual sleeping techniques during tuition classes like- reading postures, lying against the wall. For the whole 50mins they’ll occasionally twitch the pen or leg and change positions in order to avoid being caught, some slept(dream as well) sitting straight without moving until hearing the bell rings. Everyone gets to taste sleeplessness and shamefulness of being caught.

      Classes like, Technical, Military, Physical, Music etc can be absent from and the teacher don’t really minds about it. I like Technical class as the teacher let us practice wood sawing and produce objects out of it to hand in. We would skip class for ball games or revisions. I wanted to make a gun but due to frequent skipping of classes I forgot all sawing techniques. I couldn’t even saw a straight line, so I asked from guy who are fairly better than me. I found out that carpenter nearby is the answer. He’s work was great and fast, holding the finished gun, I pondered on the way back, something’s wrong…..The gun’s too perfectly finished, so I made it look ugly with crooked lines for convincing effect. Military instructors are quite familiar with me as I used to apply sick leaves often. Points were deducted for skipping classes and sick leaves. In 3rd year I visits these instructors to check on my balanced points. I took advantage of it to skip classes for rest and revisions. Example- Monday first 2 lesson was Biology I’ll rest at home or go to school late, cause I gave up the subject. I was told later that my situation was brought to attention at a teacher’s meeting, I was lucky that my form teacher covered up for me. Seems like Obedient tiger can’t have such practice, I got no choice in such a crucial year. Once during Military training, we were sent to set up targets for shooting. We were “forced” to enjoy as no books were allowed in the transport. We were briefed on correct handling and the recoil force of the rifle which may hurt or even worst dislocate the shoulder. Everyone were rather tensed after that, upon reaching we walked a short distance to the green firing field. Those finished firing would start to talk about the experience, it was rather relaxing like an excursion. We chose ball game of our interest during Physical lesson, volleyball, badminton, ping pong, and basketball (myself). My rebounce was bad as I couldn’t jump high enough. Friends like to group up with me as my “board slicing” was good. I would only skip Physical classes for exceptional reasons like exams which was quite often.

     Our plum Music teacher wanted to test our singing one day and everyone turned to look at me as if like [Professional singer, how would Obedient tiger fair]. I went on stage with confident, facing sights of the, class suddenly I felt like my throat was tightened by a string and went off key. The teacher was surprised and told me to return to my seat shaking his head. It was a tough journey, people must be having doubts on my albums produced, not as what was reported. This artist is such or over praised by the media. During 3rd year 2nd semester, I start to ignore lessons unrelated to the exams. Physics is one of it, I would skip class or sleep through out the lesson, stays in class while going for experiments. The experiment room is opposite our class room, when asked to do experiments we would try to deny and stick to our seat for more time revisions. We would envy those duty students as they can stay back in class. Some times we would sneak out of the experiment room for a ball game which is very risky as points would be deducted if caught. So sneaking to the basketball court without being caught by the discipline master is like the exciting war front. By memorizing sample questions in reference book [Experiment Rearranged] is more worth it(gain more marks) than to attend experiment lesson for 1 result. Even if a grouped report has to be prepared, we can calculate the answer technically rather than doing the actual experiment. If it’s far from the actual answer, we’ll ask around for tips and refer text book and hand in with a closer answer.

      Lin Hengyu, classmate from secondary to high school, used to visit Jiajia album shop(2nd level with posters pasted) at Zhonghua road for latest album release. We are very aware of the billboard and hit singers then were Madonna, Janet Jackson. Songs like [Rhythm Nation 1814] and [Vi-sion Of Love] are my favorite. Compilation Video (nowadays MTV ) of many artists, singles or concerts(Madonna) are what I look for and they’re hard to get as well. Hiring or borrowing are impossible. I would stinge on a bowl of bean curd for purchase of albums as student’s expenses are limited. I love Remix albums which consists songs from many artists at 1 cassette price. It’s strange that I like western song(pretty much affected by) while doing mandarin song with Little Tiger. I would carefully observe Mariah Carey and Whitney Huston’s vocals(high with powerful reserve), and differentiate between blues, black soul and jazz music. I admit that music is another knowledge that’s worth experimenting and hopes that I could visit places of origin of these music. Music a good shelter whenever I’m moody, diversion of tension while shopping for or discuss music with friends. And I’m full of spirit again the next day, actually revising with tip top spirit within a day is better than a week in tension.

      We were reminded not stay in air conditioned rooms too much as exams is round the corner. So, to adjust body temperature to suit the examination hall I moved all books with a wooden table, desk lamp, a hard army bed and stereo to a roof-top pre-fixed room, all books are in reach of ease. It’s a room separated from the outer world without any communication means other than family members or be alone, when feeling tired I’ll switch off all lights and leave the window opened and stare into the beautiful summer night in total darkness. At this time, switching on the stereo letting the music gentle swirl around myself and doing nothing is a form of relax. There’s a favorite song of mine then [Nothing Compares To You] by a female Ireland singer which helps me to tone down. I learned lots of English phrases from these western songs.
I‘ve a small note book which consists of English phrases or sentences with me which I’ll read through whenever I’m waiting for bus, before meals or in the restroom to compare the uses between nouns and verbs. Friends did the same and found it beneficial too. Other than that I looked up the dictionary for words in the lyrics of songs, and marks with red pen for words checked, hoping the dictionary to be fully marked. Some students try to memorize by reading it to improve vocabulary power. Some students would brag that they’ve finished memorizing the capital letter A portion, which would send you trembling first and followed by thinking that will they jumble up the words, which is a method I don’t prefer. Lots of English sentences have been taught within these 3 years which I think rather alike. Memories of those being taught at early stage are blur, so we got what is before us to revise on which we’ll end up not remembering anything from neither early nor later stage. I’ll do compare to get it straight(more confuse it is, the more I want to clear up) even if it takes time. 1 pronunciation but different spellings, use of tenses or meaning differences without 1 letter. I’ll solve them all. Our English class have many tests(reading, fill in the blanks) which introduced lots of new words and sentences as some students would note down to revise. Every sentences have different verbs and nouns, I’ll say out repeatedly like relay on, rely on………..sometimes I’ll do so with my eyes closed on the street looking silly. But whenever encountering questions like relay_____, I’ll fill in On as answer without trouble. To achieve accuracy and speedy answers one needs to memorize and practice hands, eyes and brain’s reflection and no other alternatives.

      A lot of 3rd year students of Jianzhong prefer to stay back for revisions after school, and lighted classes with students making themselves at ease are spotted from the school field, I don’t like revising in open areas like classes or the library, you are greeted by rows of revising students. I prefer the dim revision center(more privacy). I started visiting revision center during 1st year when I decided to focus on my studies. It is more packed 1 month(crucial pre-exam holiday) before exams, sits are being rented at walk in( 250 bucks/ 5hrs- 730am-1230pm, 1230pm-530pm, 530pm-1130pm or 1130pm-730am) or monthly basis at 10% discount. Lin Hengyu was revising at thye wee hours at the center which he later agreed with me that it didn’t do much help. I was revising at the [Zhaori] revision center which was divided into 5 classes. The counter cashier Xiaoai(nicked named after comic character [Dian Ying Shao Nu]) helped me to reserve seat and gave me extra tea bags a lot. Ear plugs are a must for me to shut off all noises except mine and will take down revision hours covered ex. 29th Jan-9hrs and 10mins.

      I have this habit of twitching the pen whenever I sits down, can’t concentrate or face tricky questions, which helps to ease tensions. Every one does that even the top student in class. I could do half round at first,(sound of pen drop could be heard clearly when everyone was quiet) but later a full 1 round( to and fro). Those who are better could do 2 rounds non stop landing the pen between the thumb and middle finger. There was once I was told to stop twitching the pen as I was making lot of disturbing noises from pen dropping as I was nervous of shortage of time then. Book twirling was a trend as well then, students were spotted competing everywhere. Biology text books were twirled from the thumb to the last finger, then thrown up and balancing it on the finger again. It caused peeling at the center of the book which promotes longer balancing. Such habits don’t take up much energy and time.

      Wang Wenliang and Lin Hengyu (classmates) used to revise with me for a period of time. We would meet up at the revision center at 9-10am. Wang Wenliang would pick me up with his bike, upon reaching I’ll lie on the desk for a short sleep for 1/2 hr followed by breakfast, read newspaper and starts revising for the day. Time table then was revise, nap, lunch, revise, dinner and home. We avoid attending tuition class other than important pre-exams lessons. More time was spend at the revision center, and I got to meet a pretty girl-Ms. Zhou, a Jingxiu girls business graduate and tries hard to further her studies, and I felt different when I set my eyes on her. Although surrounded by guys all the time, she’s gentle as her family was strict. My impression on pretty girls then were wild, playful, don’t really like studying and good at making boyfriends. But she’s different, didn’t care much with the guys around. She receives kinds of paper slips everyday and of course bouquets were send non stop, the guys rumored that it’s hard to court such a good girl, I retreated as she’s got so many suitors. Finally I pick up courages to get to know her and was delighted that she likes me. As our eye sights met from afar at the center, we’ll look away and hide at our seats. Wanted to meet up but brushed shoulders, wanted to chat but can’t open our mouth, we kept guessing each other’s thought. A simple message reaches her through friends of friend to her friend and reply through the same order. Once agreed to meet up, we’ll go on separate ways from the center and would arrange a “coincident” meeting up to avoid gossips. She’s a lovely memory during the period before examinations, her friend(nicknamed Green snake) helped passing messages to Ms Zhou (White snake) and Xiaoai helped passing notes and messages. 15th June was Jianzhong’s graduation day, I’m not affected by bouquets from fans, neither do I feel pressurized. Other than studies and exams, I felt strange sense if sweetness. It was her graduation day too, but I was only reminded to get bouquet for her on the 2nd day, which is my 1st time in my life and knowing roses were damn expensive at the florist. Her desk was packed with presents and bouquets on that day, so sending mine on the 2nd day made it stand out among the rest. Many(including my classmates) were courting her, but only I succeeded but it ended after the exams. Till now I still miss her, but she became my high school mate’s girl friend. I have no idea towards loveship then, chances of falling in love were high at the tuition school or revision center. There’s no ill intentions within, maybe needs someone of the opposite sex due to pressure, emptiness. Classmate(Chen) used to talk about his relationship and was troubled with his girl friend from Beiyi girls, they’re rather uncertain whether they’re friends or lovers. Other than studies such topics were another change for the soul. We would get together with friend’s girl friends as we’re good friends.

      First day of the exam, reporters and crews from a 730pm news T.V station came to interview me for their yearly examination programme. Friends warned me upon spotting them from afar, angrily I got them to cover me to a corner but they caught up before I get into the class. I answered “Examination’s commencing”! and left them. The reporter waited an hour for me outside the class, and asked for permission to film me while taking the exam. After class, they interviewed me on how I answered the questions, they shouldn’t have bothered me at such crucial stage. I saw the report at 730pm back home and saw Ms Zhou sitting 2 seats in front of me which simmered my anger, I turned to my mom pointing to the screen “ Look mom, that’s Ms Zhou”!

      I believes in Guanyin which has been hope for my soul although there’s no religious believe in my family. I could sense the presence of Buddha calming me down. Friend ever took my eight characters to a fortune teller, who said that I’ve fate with Guanyin, by chanting [Nan Wu Guan Shi Yin Pu Sa] ten times everyday, there’ll be hope in my exams and I obeyed as I’d do anything for the benefit of the exam. Parent of fan went to Thailand and prayed for me a necklace with statue of the four faced buddha which I wore it. Once, I prayed for four faced buddha to help not let it rain which indeed didn’t rain, I lost the necklace accidentally. To me religious is a form of important energy. I had a kind Buddhist teacher (nicknamed Buddha) who brought his students to Tu Cheng Guang Qin old monk’s Chengtian Chansi to pray to the mountain at his own expense. He told us that in every life’s turning point one has to pay for his kharma and sufferings would arise, praying and chanting sincerely to the mountain would help banish some of it. That day was a holiday, the tour buses were parked outside the school early in the morning, all participants are willing party, and we set of. We alighted at the middle of the mountain to perform the 3 steps 1 kneel and 9 steps 1 bow ritual on the tar road along with other believers. I was wet through out like the rest upon reaching the hill top, we glance downwards with tiredness. A gust of wind blew past, our troubles were lightened and seems like went along with the wind. After consuming the vegetarian food provided by the temple, we drank holy water prepared by the monk in charge, which was said to be able to clear misfortunes and improve intelligence. I was sincere and believes very much, I felt that barriers were clear and was freed. From then on I’ll told myself “Examinations are just challenges] and believes that sufferings are results of kharma, taking other’s tease as a test. I’m relieved as what’s done were done. After reaching the hill foot, some students went for tuitions, some went for ball game, I went home to sleep as I’m tired , and no regrets that I went. Waking uo the next day, I told myself that not to be defeated although difficulties were a lot and facing them one by one unlike games starting again after game over.

      I visited the examination hall at the crowded Taipei Shangzhuan 2nd level, pre-exam papers were distributed by tuition representatives, and people were purchasing stationeries. Thinking to myself these seats will be filled up by these people, mostly were [Exam companions]! I reminded myself not to be careless while feeling confident, 3 years of hardship just for this 2 days( time to be freed). I took myself as an army(eyes, hands and all other parts of the body awaiting the brain’s command) at full force, salvaged for minimum lost. I kept encouraging myself and not to make any mistakes, to bear with it. Walking in the exam hall, I was full of myself and “I can outdo others”, such confidence has to be supported by real stuffs. I begged my mom to send me to the temple Xingtian Gong(Guan Sheng Di Jun) for prayers, it drizzled as we move off. The temple was crowded that day, I could smell the incense from far, some even placed photo copied texts under offerings. After enquiring from the lady volunteer then I knew to pray to the god of sky first followed by gods in the center of the temple then left to the right with 3 joss sticks each locations with the left hand. I wished secretly not for miracle or top student, but to help me try my best with what I’ve revised, no hiccups at the exam hall and receive what I deserved.

      While I was revising on Chemistry at home the night before the exam, I suddenly got worried with a lot to go through. After practicing a few sample questions I felt better as they’re not that hard. It is the usual signs while preparing for exams, lost sense of differentiations. Actually a handful of students would be able to answer difficult questions which I’ll forgo, and I’ll ditch whatever I’m not confident of and memorize the main points would do. Preparing blindly is a waste of time, knowing the reasons and techniques I’m confident. We were reminded to turn in early to prevent loss of sleep. A classmate even booked a room at the nearby hotel to avoid lateness, traffic jam and related reasons. All papers and media would introduce ways to remember examination pass, pencil sharpener, 2b pencils, ruler. I double checked to tip top condition and went to bed with ease. I woke up feeling fresh compared to other days and did quick run through, and I was satisfied with my quick response in Chinese composition, English translations, and Chemistry.

      Students and their parents gathered at the class corridor, examination papers were distributed once the whistle went off, parents have to leave with the students’ text books. And the students were allowed to enter after the 2nd bell ring. Those with good eye sights could take a peep at the shadowy prints from the translucent yellowish exam paper cover. Some parents would “mass accompany” their children at a open space downstairs on spread newspapers. First subject- Mathematics which I scored a fair 52marks (10marks above normal) and 80plus for the rest of the subjects. The assistant Mathematics teacher was taking his exam a ceiling away, and here I am getting things mixed up. 70th min I was nervous I stopped and noticed everyone around were working hard which I felt worst than not noticing, no choice I got to continue and completed few question at the last 10mins thinking away, that the end of 1st period, the scary devil is going to appear again. I lied to myself “ Doesn’t matter, everyone did badly as well” after hearing some students commented that this year’s questions were harder and rearranged my emotions for the following subjects would be affected as they’re important. Every companions started asking “How is it” and I answered “No problem, we’ll see next subject”! Upon hearing( including my mom) think that “Seems like Su Youpeng did well, he’s confident” I got 3marks deducted for Chemistry in a yes or no section as I carelessly wrote yes for all questions and loss of 6marks in total. Actually preparations for Chemistry and Physics before the exam was too late, so I seek the teacher’s help asking them to circle the main point from the 20 over experiments of the whole of 3rd year. Luckily my preparation wasn’t wasted, looking at the questions I clearly remembered and answered them fast. The teacher ever told us to concentrate revising on the subjects for 2nd day, and not get affected by the first day of the exam. Those questions on the exam paper looks like a piece of unfinished cloth, a weaved cloth when I finished a page and the patterns were still in my head. Couldn’t bear with it anymore, I called up friends to check answer with them, the cloth weaved today was good if the answers were same. 2nd day- Chinese composition title “Root” I admit that was one of the greatest I did in this life.

      I scored 86 for English although my English wasn’t good it all depend on techniques. Taiwan’s kids maybe are not talented but they’re easily trained into a examination machine. I look out for key words to analyze and understand the essay for reading exam. I got mom to buy lunch as I could revise for the next subject in the class, there were a few students and a parent present so ear plugs were put to use again, I was lucky to spot 2 more answers. I’m poor at memorizing and would comprehend and convey with my own language which later helped me score 74marks which was better then those who memorized hard and purchased lots of reference books. It depends on luck and maybe testers nowadays go for understanding answers then the standard ones. I was tensed as there’s one more subject(Biology-which I gave up on) to take, I calmed myself while recalling that classmates joking about “burning” their school books once they reach home after the examinations. I completed the exam still (with guessed answers) and I scored 30marks after checking with the answer sheets given by tuition centers. Walking out of the examination hall, I felt like being released from 10 years jail term, not anxious nor happy but calm and joy of leaping 2 levels with a single jump, shaking all hardships and pressures away. I didn’t “burn” my books that day, instead I went to watch a MTV and dinner with Ms. Zhou and friends.

      After joining idol band [Little Tiger], Su Youpeng and Obedient tiger became one which decided his journey acting and being sort after by the media. Whether he entered the famous [Taida] due to his status, invading into Xiangjiang music market or sudden announcement to further studies in England were surprising. This time round his book release will be a talk of the town. From a reporter for 3 years to a singer, Obedient tiger-Su Yupeng became my interviewing target for his popularity among millions of loving fans, reporting his latest activities and offering me the chance to the quite vain side of him after shedding performing outfits. Obedient tiger don’t just study and be a boy next door, but a comic lover, likes the play station and basketball to kill time, or maybe a crazy Madonna[sexy goddess] fan, he indeed put in great efforts for everyone’s recognition. Towards me, Su Youpeng is sincere without the usual hospitality like other artists, and I’d encourage him to use his free time to practice writing, as I discovered that he’s more talented than being vain. If he could express himself with good verses, and without the music company’s “sweet nothings”, he’ll be able to convince everyone that Su Youpeng isn’t a “Paper tiger”. Glad to see his put his life in words as a first step, hopefully it’s a good endless start. Anxiously I flipped through [My Days In Jianzhong] Obedient tiger-Su Youpeng’s virgin work,

      I felt delighted and a little sad that through words he bravely tell about his days in school, how he manage his studies and dual status. He reveals that while enjoying great applause and being famous idol singer, he have to endure sacrificing happiness of normal life like the outing photos without Su Youpeng in the year book as he NEVER attended. I don’t agree with youngsters nowadays taking artists as saints, they are no different from others they have setbacks and pressure and cries too. Unluckily, they can’t let out freely like others did except to their “buddies” who listen and share their load. Maybe that’s the sad thing as a public icon. Obedient tiger’s victory after efforts put in examinations sets familiar thoughts to those who had taken exams before, artists go through this as well. For those who are yet to go through this stage think Su Youpeng’s story may set an example to them, if Obedient tiger did it, why can’t you. Success to the willed, YOUR DAY WILL SURELY COME!


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