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1995 My Days at Jian Zhong

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Chomnath:
Translated By  www.baansuyoupeng.com
Peter & Fufu

苏有朋 - 我在建中的日子http://bbs.tianya.cn/post-funinfo-1837339-1.shtml

My Days at Jian Zhong 
http://tieba.baidu.com/p/277326586



ESSAY 1: BOARD SLICE, SCORE
It was a dark afternoon, can’t recall reason for not attending class and everyone is playing basketball. I got a pass dribbled, avoid, bounced and slice shot, the ball went round the rim a fell. I dashed out shooting at 45 degree from the white line and board sliced (technique I’m good at) scoring every try no matter the distance. First drop of rain hit my reached out hand, we continue playing regardless of the heavy rain. It’s hard to score as the ball and board is slippery with the heavy rain covering our visions. We’re the only group left playing whole heartedly at the court. I couldn’t border that I’m an idol or how others look at me at that time. I’m no different from other naive high school students studying and playing hard. I keep telling myself not to loose the game!

We cleaned up at the basins wiping ourselves with our singlet and dressed up shabbily and walk towards the dark bricked Hainan lane opposite the jungle like zoo. Scent of after rain was carried by the light breeze.

Everyone needs to submit a recent photo (with shop’s stamp) to register for up coming examination. I got mine done recently nearby with a very short hair cut like the rest. Some shaved bald to avoid the hot weather and hair management. No one cares about images other than revisions. From level 4 classroom, I need to pass by the rugby field to get to the basketball court. Rugby players are spotted training with tires tied to their back at this time. Everyone is trying very hard including myself- walking towards the court!

If decided to stay back for revisions after school, I’ll eat in to avoid time wastage eating out of school. I’ll order beef noodle (10bucks) with fried tofu skin (5 bucks my favorite) and braised egg (5 bucks). No additional beef as it’s costly (30 bucks). Most would eat in or while walking back to class to salvage more time. There’s rumors about spotting roaches and small insects are spotted in the noodle which I didn’t encountered but we’ll do anything for extra revision time. If the guys with the same hobby are in class we’ll gather for a game regardless of running out of time. In the eyes of others we’re hopeless, time is as precious as blood and we’re wasting it brushing up some basketball techniques. We’ll be chased away from the lighted court by night class students taking physical classes. A few students will stay back in class for revisions and dim lights from classes will be spotted. Finding a dark corner down the field to rest and stare into the dark, the stillness might cause some disturbance to the empty mind. Feels like loosing the ball due to poor technique, game over. Time, books and examinations can’t be lost, not even staring into the dark night. Got to face it, examinations, family, friends, fans and the world. “Obedient tiger” will never let anyone down.


ESSAY 2: BE YOURSELF HAPPINESS IS IMPORTANT
If I were to reflect with present mind set, maybe there’ll be chain questions as why to take examinations, study and get pressurized which will affect my results. I was lucky to heed other’s advise to focus and not think much, to live for myself and not others. Its hard to define what’s best, matters become history as time pass and there’s no IF in history. I suddenly recalled that I ever wrote [Be Yourself, Happiness Is Most Important] in my autograph book then as encouragement and to feel optimistic. I top almost last as results are bad during 1st & 2nd year. As I’m good at Mathematics and English I thought there’s not much difference, simple revisions might get me through. The Mathematics teacher didn’t teach by the text book, and started off with logics (between P & Q). I was careless not to follow through and wasn’t able to catch up which was a set back to me, I was worried then. I’ll ask others for notes, main points and solving methods during tests. But I received cold shoulder regardless of my special status. Good results is more recognized in Jianzhong. I got no close friend in class and I didn’t try to build up friendships. I couldn’t attend classes due to my schedules, a lot thinks that I deserved it for bad results. It’s a scary loneliness with no sympathize, all eyes awaits your retribution.

I was praised by the teacher (Zhang Fengying) for good results (12th in class) at a monthly test. But a mate commented “I would be shameful to my parents if I can’t even beat Su Youpeng”, which drew a scar deep inside me. In other’s eyes Su Youpeng means [A useless bump who hates studying], title-Obedient Tiger locked a heavy weight on my waist which can’t be loosen and good results is the only key to it. I kept visualizing walking on the street and was pointed by a mother telling her child not to be like “Obedient Tiger whose only a good looking star without knowledge and future”! It kept haunting till I decided to study hard to shake off this nightmare. I can forgo fame and promotions for studies, I thought of giving up activities like taking photos, recordings, attend shows for new album [Singsing De Gu Shi] by the Little Tiger band then for studies like any normal students then.

There’s a student (technical student in Tai Da now) whom I thought of looking down on me, it inspired me to impersonate his walking(a little hunch back), writings and taking him as an example. I tried talking and befriend him during after school or playing ball and took him as an imaginative enemy so as to outdo him. I started revising from 2nd day of Chinese new year(winter holiday) to prepare for examinations when school reopens. As everyone would rush to check and compare results at the school office. I’m there this time, my result-class top 10 surprised lots of students who can’t make fun of me. I’ve proved to all and it changed views on me totally in class and I’m proud of it. Although once is not everything, but it gave me confident. Examinations are not that tough and friends are not that smart as what I thought. Stress doubles up trying to avoid, I tried very hard even knowing that I can’t catch up with it but I didn’t care much. Lin Hengyu (shops with me a lot along Zhonghua lane) kept telling me that “ During 1st & 2nd year you’re singing and we’re not serious, you didn’t lose us”. Upon hearing this again during 3rd year I felt that he’s trying to calm me down, until final term then I realized that nobody is especially terrifying we’re all at the same starting point. Some students were rooted to the classroom, they revised before meals and even during change of period developing sense of slacken and phobia to others. Some would compare privately on who spent more time on revision while some would lie that they can’t concentrate or didn’t revise or act blur trying to mislead others by saying its no point revising extra for a game of basketball.

Upon knowing such commotion the teacher kept telling us to take other classes as opponents and achieve real victory with full class passing rate. To be exact, my simple aim is to prove that I can get to a good school too. Benefit of studying, my ambitions, most interested subject etc…such questions didn’t cross my mind then. There’s relocation of classes during 2nd year promotion. Like others I thought that the guys selecting medical and technical stream are smarter. I was chased by the in charge for the selection form(1 week’s grace) which is still in my drawer on the 7th day. Not knowing which subject to select, I scouted for advise from a few close friends in class, and finally selected medical like others, which is the 3rd group with an additional subject thinking I’ll be able to cope as my results are good then. Thinking back now, actually I was rush and careless to fill up the form.

There’s 20 over days of emptiness before release of examination results, I was rather tensed and thought about my future although I did well during the examination. Upon receiving the results I got them analyzed on which school I’m eligible to op, I found out that Taida, Qingda and Jiaoda accept the same aggregate as mine. I’m not trying to plan or choose for my future, I did just to fill up the ambition form beautifully. To be able to study in Taida even at the lower stream, people would think that I got good grades which I mind a lot. Actually electronic stream of Qingda and Jiaoda are not bad as well. My has no ambition except for examination then.

Chomnath:
ESSAY 3: RECALL OF MYSELF THEN…...

I joined the Little Tiger during holiday after secondary school and was working in [Qing Chun Da Duay Kang producer- Xiaoyan and hosts- Cao Lan and Tang Zhiwei] with another girls group Little Kitten as assistants. We used to joke that we’re “Tai ju”---carry columns at the back stage. During winter holiday of 1st year of high school we released album [Happy New Year] with “You Huan Pai Dui” (fellow sisters) which consist of our first single [Qing Ping Guo Le Yuan]- a hit then. We released our 1st album [Xiao Yao Yu] with an overall 20 concerts almost 6 weeks through out ( almost 3 shows per week, Saturday noon 1 show and 2 on Sunday) followed by flying back to attend school. And did our port folio before going to 2nd year.

Little Tiger enjoyed hence the heavy work load and I still can’t recollect myself although school’s reopening soon. I dislikes cheats and last minute revisions (use to help teacher to spot cheats) as I’m good and confident in all exams. Finally I got a taste panic of not revising in time for exams in high school as I was absent for filming, singing, performance, dance practice day after day not taking note of monthly test arriving again. I prepared for it in a rush warning myself no more next time, but things went back to usual within a week after the test and kept repeating for a year in repent and regrets.

Saying that being top student in secondary is a norm. But passing moderately is already hard in high school(with lots of geniuses from around) not to mention top few. Upon hearing this although I was unsatisfied as I outdo myself each year but I did prepared reason for not gaining good grades. During 2nd year as we released our 2nd album [Nan Hai Bu Ku], it was being announced that the company will try let us work during school holidays so as not to affect our studies. And I told myself to stop having fun and start concentrate studying, and will be looked down on. My studies was still affected while filming [You Xiaer] although terms and conditions were agreed upon which left me worried. There 2 additional subjects being taught-Physics(energy compares) and Chemistry(chemical reaction, formulas etc.) which are rather difficult. Missing a lesson or two lands you confused not mentioning not attending class often due to filming. It was announced that Little Tiger will stop working for during third year, but [Sing Sing De Yue Hui] was recorded during holiday, which I felt unhappy and unsatisfied with our company. Loosing time (24hrs/day) means losing competition! An invincible line is linked among competition, pressure, status, view of public, caring, faces and future. I need tuition in order to catch up with the others, once, brother Song and Wu Qilong came to pick me up from Nanyang street for dance practice at Mafu which I don’t feel like going. I was wearing thick glasses instead of lenses walking among the rest not caring whether I’m noticed or not. There’s nothing in my head other than books, I hate and dispel things refraining me from studying. I didn’t noticed them coming to fetch me and went on with the others in my own world. They must be very surprised why I care for nothing but studies. Maybe I’m selfish against company and 2 other members of Little Tiger, but it benefits my studies.

ESSAY 4: BITTER BRAISED FOOD

Summer holiday of 3rd year, made new friend and revised at his place often as we could get along well. Came home about 10pm after tuition for quick shower, and carry on to his place(15min’s ride away) at 11pm for 1/2 -1 hr of revision( better than none). Once, mom sent me to cancel revision due to bad mood, on our way back mom bought braised food and wine. I curled up on the sofa starring blankly into the noisy television. Family members tried cheering me up but to no avail. I started crying, mom said nothing and held me closely with me mumbling it’s suffering, it’s suffering, feels like dieing, causing mom reflected on letting me join the band as to toughen me up. I kept wanting her to let me do so, but things are different during examination. Things are back to normal although I fell asleep after crying, the experience was a deep impression. I felt that I’m lucky having mom and dad supporting me, till today no matter what I encounter family members are always my best shelters.

Chomnath:
ESSAY 5: BENEFACTOR 1
I met quite a few kind souls when preparing for examinations, Xie Fenlan( counseling teacher from Jianzhong) is one of the key person who changed my life. She asked for me lots of time but I ignored as the counseling room is avoided by all, moreover I got no extra time for such activities. One day, she sent for me during noon break which was nap time to lots of students. I got up and put on my glasses unwillingly to visit her. Upon meeting me with thick glasses and small eyes, her reaction was “ So, you’re Su Youpeng, can’t really tell” and started our fate. She taught me meditation. After forcing me to visit her once, I do so more often. There’s a few old sofas and teacher’s table outside the counseling room a small room with thick carpet within, which she use to do counseling. I used to practice meditation there and in class too during breaks. It helped me rest a lot. There’s a few of us doing that then, which is important to me as my feelings are unstable. With her leading us through, sitting down cross legged, palms up, breathing in...out…in…out, slowly calming down realizing one’s present letting the mind, chest, throat, butt, hands and legs empty and finally merging with space throwing thoughts away. Some songs will appear in the mind while meditating which can’t be get rid of. That “particular place” is hard to find, hiding behind bamboo bushes, went round and disappearing. Lots of thoughts would catch you unaware like “ I can’t do so it’s time wasting”, “Got to revise for test this noon” and worst still “I feel sleepy”, “Got to get this new album……” Wild thoughts have to be recognized so as to feel the brain at such calm state, on one hand telling myself to be empty and singing on the other. I can find out which direction the voices are coming from then I’ll tell myself “ You’re confident, work hard and nothing is impossible”. Practice to eliminate all thoughts, sometime we imagine that we’re a bird flying in the sky looking down at people and cars half the normal size, a lady hanging laundries, rises to 22nd storey spotting the turning water pump, feeling the clouds happily with no worries. Maybe its a turning point for all emotions come together, reaching calmness of the mind and body. I gain rest and energy within such stage. Actually I’ll feel sleepy within ½ hr in the revision room and I’ll doze off for ½-1 hr waking up feeling most empty(not affected by surroundings and body not tensed). I still feel pressurized although I meditate often when knowing its benefit. There’s once I felt that the whole world is flattening me, and I seek Ms Xie’s crying away in the counseling office, I trusted her a lot then and I can’t consult anyone. If asked whether guys who  are awkward. My reply is that crying is actually a way of letting out not in front of others but someone trusted, no gender difference. One would feel calm, easy after letting it out. I was more calm and I could concentrate as my grades improved during last semester of 3rd year. And I thought of forgoing applauses and wealth for becoming a professor out of nowhere, teaching is simple and easy.


ESSAY 6: BENEFACTOR 2

Ms Zhang fengying had already heard of me during 2nd year, she told me that she didn’t know how to treat me(big star) and decided to treat me as she did to the rest. But I knew that she did put in more time to help me through my exams. I scored 99/100 in a test during 1st year which is the highest in class which made teacher having faith in me, encouraging and rescuing me as my grades were bad then. I was naïve so she used simple ways to inspire me wanting to work hard with confidence. Ms Zhang Fengying (my form teacher) teaches chemistry during my 2nd year. I missed lots of classes for filming, with her encouragement I was 21st in class. She was surprised when I did well(10 plus in class) for monthly test and was praised that I was talented in class. I started working hard during 3rd year. My results were very bad at 1st semester, I was going crazy, no one can kick anything into my head, I was empty and couldn’t concentrate. We need to do weekly reports then, I wanted to thank Ms Zhang for her patience with me and for lending a ear to me( can’t keep things to myself). I was temperamental as I study, sometimes I would note that “I want to die” this week and the next “Thank you teacher, I’m full of hope and confidence” etc. She’ll encourage me when I’m happy and console me when I’m down. There’s a sitcom [Who Killed The Big Star] then, and I wrote “Who killed the big star, I want to die, I want to let you know that public pressure, fans’ care are all pressure”. I was very afraid to receive encouragement letters from fans which strikes me like thunder, some were sent directly to school. There were lots of calls for me at the school too. Such scary letters and messages were trying to reach me by all means, which I can’t avoid.

Chomnath:
ESSAY 7: BENEFACTOR 3
There’s a lot to revise especially mathematics and physics which I can’t cope with. There’s a teacher Mr. Hong Xiong in Jianzhong who helped me by doing fast revision with me once every week. Eventually my family gave him small token which he accepted unwillingly, and he got me a watch in return. He is a funny guy and was patient with me dozing off and answering slow when questioned. My results are not good as I’ve got little time to practice the formulas as they’re important. Physics philosophies nowadays are hard to understand, for example light. Eventually I gathered all confusing questions and called upon the physics teacher at his place after calling for permission which didn’t help much. But I believed that it will help by understanding the philosophies.

ESSAY 8: BOYS DON’T

I used to imagine how teachers and fellow students(especially other classes) looked at me which was bad for me. And received threats like, being beaten up in the rest room, scribble my name on the wall as dart board, and ways to make fun of me. My grades are a topic even till present 3rd year. That’s why I kept to myself other than my save little world. I’ll walk looking to the ground towards my class from the school gate not staring at anyone, to be frank its inferior! I’ll do the same while walking in front of others as if they’ll hurt me or look down on me. I didn’t made any close friends in high school, except 1 or 2 the most from secondary school. I avoid all the others good or bad, every time walking pass the basketball court( before I started playing basketball) my heart beat fastens, cheers from the court filled my ears, I felt afraid to meet scary eye sights or a ball blasting my face suddenly from nowhere. Sometimes I will think that there’s good will in such eye sights, people who wanted to help. But I’d rather carry my little world with protective shield which would prevent bombs and weapons from attacking.

I could recall that my class sold Taiwan snacks for a fund raising fare during 2nd year, I was required to help by the teacher, distributing my autograph with each purchase, which was later badly rumored that [Obedient tiger was selling autographed photos for money]. Other than snacks we another group sold flowers, students from other school visited Jianzhong and some of them are my fans who bought the flowers for me which were later resold again for lots of money and I wasn’t credited. A committee was set up for graduation year book, and photos of everyone were needed for publishing. We skipped classes to take photo with our teacher(as discussed) at the botanic, by the lotus pond, bodhi tree, ball field, in class etc. And some against doing so would stay in class. Photos of class outings would be published as well, I can’t be spotted as I never took part before.

Chomnath:
ESSAY 9: SPECIAL TRAINING
Teacher used to work hard from starting of the year as what I did for Mandarin, English, Social, Physics , Chemistry and Medical(7 subjects) which is tough. As I could recall, I revised with good concentration during 3rd year winter holiday. There’s a assistance teacher in every class then who are good at subjects like physics. I used to consult them in private whenever I face difficulties. They have good or better revision techniques and would teach me as my grades are bad then. Sometimes I’m take my hat off as they have more efficient formulas than reference books. There’s a student (Ye Shixian(nick named Ah Gong) who was 1st for 3 years presently in Taida information stream) and a teacher Zhang Kuichao who taught me a lot like reverse philosophies of physics and chemistry which can’t be memorized(for trick questions) as answers are obtained through experience. I prefer understanding to memorizing, like reason for sugar to melt in cold or hot water first, I’ll need to understand before I could remember. Mr. Zhang stressed the need to understand reverse logic for answers which is not like secondary. The module test in 3rd year gave me much confident as I was top ten in class and I started believing that I can do well. My results slackened and was during 2nd module test as I did not revise according to the test table. I didn’t care as I’ve confident in myself, and my result recovered during 3rd module test. I observed that students in class are divided into 2 groups, those sitting are shorter, works hard and don’t like to play, those behind are taller, likes playing together and more slack in studies. I’m neither tall nor short and sits in the center. There was a hard working student who’s results are not good although he revises all the time, he sits in the 2nd row wearing spectacles. I felt that he’s forcing himself. And there’s another student(got himself into Qingda) whose hard working and got good grades too. But to me, its efficiency, concentration and memory that counts, nothing gets into the head once distracted resulting to excuses(grouches or self claiming not cut to study). All high schools in Taipei would take part in three major preliminary exams which accurately foretell our exam results in 3rd year final term which is packed with the school tests one after another. I carefully planned my revision table into 3 part-morning. Afternoon and night leaving 1 or 2 days for flexibility adjustments, and notes filled my notebook. For example 29th Jan was revision break between 2 monthly tests and my revision table was- 1330-1410, break, 1500-1600, dinner, 1650-1800 Mandarin, 1815-1910 English, 1920-2010 Cultural, 2030-2215 Mandarin,2315-2350 English, 2350-0110 and 0145-0300 Mandarin. Now flipping through my notebook again, spotting my ½ -1 hr break for I leave my seat for a drink down stairs, walk to and order meals outside, rinse up as I come back, rest and return to the table, is a strict calculation. [Way to go] and [Try to revise a little more] etc are encouragements I put down sometimes, seems like playing game with myself. I have another [Special revision] for exam on 26th Feb, which I started revising on 30th Jan noting [Time importance of 4 weeks] and plans in the notebook, picking out some subjects to revise according to every day’s progress with notes like [Time can’t be extended for revision and need to arrange properly, cut down on music]. I love listening to music from secondary, with the headphone on, the singers starts singing their best hit in my head, and would continue doing so even when the headphone if off no matter I’m walking, in the lift, on the bus, in the restroom. It made me lost concentration during revision which I can’t let it be as studies are harder then. I’ll tell myself(control, control, control!) not to listen to music while doing revisions and keep headphone once sighted. I kept playing game with myself till the 4th week(exam), I put on my amour and spear and got ready for the battle to prove myself.


ESSAY 10: DAYS DURING TUITIONS

5pm after school, need to rush for tuitions at 6 pm for another class of the day till 9pm, everyone would find places to eat (noodle shop at nearby train station) and drinks back to class, or have buffet nearby. Every shops are crowded as it’s cheap and economic(student price). After that I would squeeze with the others all the way back to class to grab a seat, get some sleep, drink from the water cooler, chat or start revising. There’s morning and afternoon classes to attend occasionally during the winter holiday, rushing between both classes in the Taipei city on buses to and fro, time limited, starts taking down notes once in class. Everyone wants a good seat when revising with a famous teacher, late comers will have to take the leftover seats, the class will be filled with strange moistly odor when it rain or after basketball game. Times up for revision, like it or not- 3 full hours. Usually I’ll go home by bus from Chongqing east road to Zhonghua road or transit from Buoai road after school. And I’ll walk to Bouai road to take a bus if it’s after tuitions which was very crowded. There’re students from night classes and students like me going for tuitions coming out from the narrow exits into the already crowded(in any directions) Nanyang street, walking towards the bus station together. All would board the bus once it reaches and everyone would sway along with the motions of the bus, holding to handles, changing hands, switching standing positions and keeping to oneself. No one recognized me as I’ve stopped singing for a year, how Obedient tiger looks like isn’t a topic then. Among everybody, I felt alike and normal, I wonder what kept me going for a year plus. Like other anxious students I registered for tuitions for all subjects. The holiday was packed with tuition schedules, and compared every tuition school and teachers to try recover all of my pass 2 years studies not letting go any subjects. Everyone is clear of how much they revised, nobody can share the load. You and your brain are responsible for it which is extreme lonely stage. I’m having tuitions for Chemistry at Zhongxiao north road Tiancheng restaurant 7th floor. After class, I’ll use the staircase instead the small lift, walking among the rest I felt like them, chatting away, and would separate upon reaching ground floor. While walking, I’ll try to ask friends to take eat or walk together but to no avail as everybody wanted to go home as there’s classes the following day and the same goes for me. For I don’t want to walk alone or be separated from the rest even if it’s a short distance to the bus station. The Chemistry tuition teacher was famous for question spotting and way of teaching. With 2-3 hundred students each class, it was designed like a cinema with 2 passageway linked, sits divided into 3 portions-long tables by the sides 3 seats and 8 seats in the center and nobody wants to be seated there as it’s hard to get to the restroom between the 3 hr long tuition. A big black board is in front, written with date counting down to the examination, increasing pressure to everyone while it decreases. Similar things are often found in Chemistry, like mixing matter with same dissolvent may develop the same reaction with maybe 1 different solution and vise versa. I like linking all reaction relations making the whole text into a big tree branching together. Such method benefits more to me than memorizing. Mr. Ren Zhonglu was my Physics super tuition teacher whose strict and fast spoken, luckily I could catch up with him while taking down notes using different colours for important point.(ex. Gravity, distance, temperature, matters etc.) which I enjoyed doing so. As he’s fast speeched, missing small part would get you blur through out. I find it a waste of money as some would sleep when they can’t catch up and starts listening from the following phase. Although he’s fierce and sarcastic towards those who don’t revise accordingly as instructed, but he’s a great help for examinations. Everyone would seek tuition for 3rd year mathematics as the teacher in school was not experienced. Mr. Zhang Songtao- giving tuition at Luo Sifu street where lots of student would queue overnight to register for his class, I was among them. As cold wind blew in the night, some would gather for card game leaving 1 or 2 to guard the belongings changing shifts every 2hrs. What for such tiredness I wondered and would it do me good, anyway he’s famous and recognized. Once, I was too tired after school and ball game so I asked the student in front( taller than me) to sit up and block for me as I sleep. A piece of chalk flew and hit me, along came Mr. Zhang’s scolding, that I should feel ashamed for my status by doing so, lots of student wanted learn from him but can’t. I was wide awake after that and was angry with him, I paid for the class anyway!

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